Monday, February 07, 2005
8:28 PM
back to blogging
Been five days since I last blogged I guess. Tts like almost a week. Wow.
Well…havent been pretty much like myself these days. Its has been a mayhem.
Life for me right now is like a Boulevard of Broken Dreams and Hopes.
Why I am feeling like tt….I juz cant put them in words. Cuz obviously
LIFE’S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE.
That shall be my new motto. Sounds good to me.
The future was planned. It was oh-so-planned. I cant really type it all down but i will juz give a brief summary: I looked forward to being a woman with responsibilities and looked forward to all the joy once the knot is tied.
Perhaps you don’t exactly know what I am talking abt but I DO know what I am talking abt.
Theres nothing to look forward to now. Not much anyways. All my dreams are crushed. Maybe I dreamed too much…dreaming of the perfect wonderful things that could happen. Which of course will not happen.
Its a matter of self-deception. And its time I open my eyes…open them wide enough and not be so naïve, not be so gullible, not be so vulnerable.
Its weird when I come to think abt it. Everyones perception of me is that I am this strong person inside and out.
Well…strong on the outside maybe, but inside? Dun even get me started.
I think I better stop meandering abt myself.
Chinese New Year is coming…it’s coming!! Juz round the corner. For some reason, I’m actually excited. I never have been – except for the fact that I can collect those red packets. Oh, and eating Love Letters. Love’em.
Anyways, yeah…weird. Excited? Maybe because I wonder how it is gonna be like seeing my paternal relatives after two years. (I didn’t follow my dad to visit them last Chinese New Year and Christmas)
Ive grown so much – intellectually, spiritually and of course physically. I wonder…I wonder how they will react. I think I better start memorizing my uncles and aunties and cousins’ names. Tts gonna be a drag.
Well…watch this space and Ill quote their comments. I will be looking forward to what’s going to happen at my grandparents' hse..not so much of the ang pows. Maybe, money is not an issue for me at the moment. Hahaz.
So, may I take this opportunity to wish all Chinese HAPPY NEW YEAR.
GONG XI FA CAI.
Happy Hols ppl.
